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Some rules about playing for Abbey United:
1. I shall always treat the opponents players with respect (even if they call me names)
2. I shall treat my fellow players with respect (even if they are playing like a tw@t)
3. I shall treat the management of both teams with respect (because the manager is always right!)
4. I understand that the manager would prefer to lose a game 9-3, than 3-0, because its more fun that way
5. I shall treat the referee and other officials with respect (even though they are usually wrong with most decisions)
6. I shall help out my teammates who maybe aren't doing the right thing with constructive support (that doesn't include abuse!)
7. I shall not try and dribble the ball out from centreback when there are loads of attacking players close-by, ever!!! (except in situations where rule 4 is in force and there are less than 5 minutes remaining)
8. I shall accept the referees decision regardless of whether he has got it totally wrong
9. I shall pay the agreed match subs in full before leaving the changing room prior to the game, on all occasions
10. I understand that if by some miracle you still get to play without paying match subs, then the likelihood of being invited to the next game whilst still in arrears is zero
11. I understand that when the situation eventually arises that we are winning comfortably with not much time remaining, that any responsibiltiy for penalty kicks lies with the manager because he has still never scored in 11-a-side football for Abbey United
12. I shall not complain if I am substitute at the start of the game, because I understand the aim is for all players to get an equal amount of time on the pitch
13. I shall not complain if I am substituted at any time, because I understand the aim is for all players to get an equal amount of time on the pitch
14. I understand that selection for each squad shall be dependant on recent appearances and I don't expect to waltz back in after missing several games in a row, even if I do consider myself as one of the best players (however managements decision is discretionary and final)
15. I understand that if I wear any garment underneath my kit (especially anything pink) than rule 2 is waived and rule 12 shall be implemented without exception
16. I understand that playing for Abbey United is at my own risk, and if I get injured in any way then Abbey United, its management, players or opposition are not responsible
17. As per rule 16, I also understand that Abbey United does not have a insurance policy for its players
18. I understand that any request to take the kit home and wash it should be considered an honour, and I appreciate the fact that the management trust me to undertake this task on behalf of the team
19. I understand that if my defender is clearing the ball when in at least 15 yards of space then I should be aware enough of the play to ensure that I do not get in the way the ball as to avoid any unfortunate injury in a particular area that may be painful
20. I understand that the decision of who is captain for each game lies solely with the manager, and if I don't like the decision then I shall remember rule 3, and I shall role my sleeves up and play like Messi to ensure that I have a chance of being selected in future games
21. I agree that match subs paid shall be collected by the management, and any profits after payment for the pitch, facilities and referee shall be used to pay for any equipment needed for Abbey United, including footballs, first aid materials and kit. Any funds remaining will be collected together and when possible used for sponsorship purposes to Cambridge United Football Club, at which point votes will take place over which player/staff member should be sponsored.
If anyone wishes to add any more rules, please let me know.
Yours sincerely,
Abbey United Management Team
