Player Profiles
 
Ben Ferguson - Striker - 2009/10 Appearances 13, Goals 12

Top scorer in the 10/11 season, it would be unfair to make too many jokes about Ben Ferguson. Slow to make an impact in his career with Abbey United, the young striker has become a prolific scorer at this level, with 10 goals in the final 12 games of the season. Often spotted with a cigarette in his hand at half time, one would assume that he doesn’t take the team very seriously, but then again, who cares with that scoring ratio! One of the youngest members of the team means that Abbey United will have the pleasure of Ferguson reaching his peak in the coming seasons.
   
Chris Duck - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 17, Goals 0

"There is no way in a month of Sundays is he ever a winger." These are the words of England legend David Beckham, but Chris Duck attempts to prove him wrong every time he pulls on the Abbey United shirt. He is yet to do so, but here is hoping for the 2010/11 season.　 Ducky prides himself on his newfound ability to head the ball, a trait that has seen him try his luck in the full back positions. A loyal fan and reliable player, the team would not be the same without this man.. probably because half the team wouldn’t get to games without him driving.　 Christopher Duck is a confidence player, and with a settled team around him, he will prove to be an important cog in the Abbey United wheel in the 10/11 season. 
  
Dan Gawthrop - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 8, Goals 0

Dan is another of the versatile members of the squad, playing anywhere between midfield and defence depending on the strengths, or more like weaknesses, of the rest of the team. Another fairly recent addition to the squad, not long after settling in the side, Gawthrop moved to the other side of the world leaving his teammates in the lurch and at the sametime moving Denton one up the pecking order for selection.

Dan Green- Striker - 2009/10 Appearances 16, Goals 4

A skillful yet aggressive striker who spends most of his time injured on the floor or shouting at team mates, Dan Green is able to produce those flair moments that Denton can only dream about. Highlight of his Abbey United career is undoubtedly the wonder goal scored in a heated match against local rivals Histon, where he took on 2 players before a thunderbolt shot into the top corner. Green has formed a lethal strike partnership with Ben Ferguson, and while they don't always see eye to eye, it is effective none the less.　 Looking forward to next season, Green hopes to add more goals to an otherwise effective game, in an attempt to shoot Abbey United to a higher league position in the coming season.
  
Dom Baldock - Forward - 2009/10 Appearances 15, Goals 9

Rarely makes it to the end of a game usually due to a red card, or being brought off to be saved from a red card, Baldock is one of the more controversial members of the squad! With a temperament that could be likened to Rooney on a bad day, his aggression gives the team something that no-one else can offer. With that said, he does have an eye for goal and this was highlighted in the 3-3 draw with Wimbledon where he scored a beautifully curled shot into the corner from 25 yards, and then a David Beckham ’esq free kick.’
  
Dylan Tibbs - Goalkeeper - 2009/10 Appearances 8, Goals 0

Abbey United's first real goalkeeper, Dylan moved across the country to join Abbey United during the 2009/10 season. A goalkeeper who commands his area, Dylan has quickly slotted in to the team. Dylan made a few errors in his early appearances for Abbey United, apologising profusely for these, little did he realise at the time that without him Badger would only conceed 3 times as many goals! Dylan's season was cut short after an injury caused against West Ham on 1 May, with an injury that looked like he had broken every finger, he did however play on during the game thinking it was just a bruise - if only it could have been Denton who picked up that injury, we wouldn't have minded so much.

  
George Blackwell - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 11, Goals 1

By looking at George Blackwell, you could be fooled into assuming he is related to young Cambridge United prospect Rory McCauley, sadly while this may be the case in looks, it most definitely is not the case in footballing ability. While he is good on the ball and can spot a pass, he is yet to figure out what position he is best in, starting off as the keeper, and gradually progressing up the field to the striker, soon enough he will be so far up the pitch he will be off it. Blackwell loves an argument, and usually will decide to pick his fights against the most intimidating opposition player; often leading to his team-mates letting him fight his battles alone! George is well known to referees up and down the country as George is always claiming to be more highly qualified than them. With Blackwell a regular for the upcoming season, it will add some much needed aggression to the midfield role (if that is where he eventually chooses to play) and will enable Abbey United to further progress.  
  
James Barringer - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 20, Goals 4

A winger with little pace or skill, Barringer relies on the opposition being weak to have a positive effect on a game. Leading appearance maker for the 09/10 season and contributing 3 goals, all of which came against West Ham, indicating he is a big match player. After his brace against West Ham, he was compared to an english version of Fernando Torres due to his lethal ability to put the ball in the net, and then compared to Emile Heskey which is probably more accurate. Left wing is the preferred position, but in his time with Abbey United has played pretty much every outfield position, with little or no impact. When asked on prospects for the coming 10/11 season he commented, "I am looking forward to nailing down the left wing slot in a settled team where we have the team to make significant improvements on last season. With a young fit team, plus denton, we have a team capable of competing at the right end of the table."
   
James Denton - Substitute - 2009/10 Appearances 16, Goals 0

Where do you start about James Denton. You will find yourself searching for the qualities that Denton is able to bring to the team, and you may be searching for rather a long time. He is one of the younger members of the squad so you would think he may bring some energy and pace to the full back position... yet he doesn't. You would think that the lack of energy and pace would mean his positioning and ability to head a ball are top notch... yet they aren’t. BUT he is able to show the odd glimpse of real quality, so when he starts doing that regularly, the jokes will stop, but only if he loses the pink and yellow lycra! Denton will never fail to give 100%... other than when we play Eastbourne and he comes off after 70 minutes with cramp. But without Denton the team wouldn’t quite be the same, and after a season of finding his best position, will be expected to deliver the goods in the 10/11 season.
  
Jamie Douglas - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 4, Goals 0
One of the newest members of the team, Jamie embraced the Abbey United midfield for the first time in 2010 against local rivals Peterborough United. The spark created by his glittering pace, tenacious touch and spikey hair, set alight the ambitions of the future of Abbey United. Playing anywhere across the midfield, Jamie loves to attack, and he claims that he taught James Milner how to play football, and that Milner is a new version of himself. After a recent injury Jamie decided to play for Abbey United in 2010 and has never looked back since. He looks forward to forming a good relationship with all the staff and players, apart from James Denton. In his social time, away from football, Jamie likes to chill out with the ladies. 
 
Kyle Scott - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 9, Goals 1

A commanding young centre back, a rock in the heart of the Abbey United defence. Many pundits feel Kyle Scott is wasted at the back due to his ball control and eye for a pass which means he has all the qualities to be a top centre midfield playmaker at this level. Never the less, with a strong midfield already in place, Kyle is able to add some pace to an otherwise slow defensive line. The blend of youth and experience at the back has seen the results of Abbey United significantly improve, where the team are now able to avoid getting battered week in week out.　 When commenting on the upcoming season Kyle said, "When i can be bothered to get up in the mornings, I feel I contribute a lot to the team. It’s just a shame that I have trouble waking up which therefore leads to me missing my lift. When I do manage to get up, I find myself constantly covering for Denton’s mistakes." 
 
Lance Sharman - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 10, Goals 0

The oldest member of the Abbey United squad, the veteran 44 year old brings a wealth of experience and ability to read the game and organise. The left back however is also slower than a herd of turtles, yet still keeps Denton out of the team. Lance is fashioned on the good old Stuart Pearce approach, so forwards beware!!! Lance is also known for having a "wand" of a left foot, in true Alan Kimble style. When asked why he plays for Abbey United, Lance said “ brings together players from all walks of life, who have a true passion for the game“.　
 
Mark Bentley - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 12, Goals 0

A commanding centre back, Bentley loves to attempt to take on the opposition by himself in the most dangerous of positions. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn’t! Mark has an unbelievable first touch for a player usually still drunk from the previous night, Bentley is a good member of the team, although he would be the first to admit that he has absolutely no pace whatsoever! Just about recovered from the whack to the bollocks suffered from being smashed by his own team mate, Bentley shows how he is able to keep a cool head under pressure and play his way up the pitch, rather than the hoof-ball most of us are used to.
 
Mark Case - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 15, Goals 0

A solid yet uninspiring full back, Mark Case has shown significant improvement over the last 2 seasons. Severely lacking pace, Case will not hesitate to bring down an opponent as they run past him. This was most noticeable against local rivals Peterborough, when he crunched an arrogant winger with a 2 footed leg breaker from behind (though to be fair, the winger was wearing pink boots so deserved the tackle purely for that reason). Mark Case should be admired, as anyone that can last 90 minutes playing directly alongside Badger deserves a huge amount of credit. But it isn’t just the 90 minutes, it is the FULL analysis that Badger gives Case after the game and having to endure the statement 'I played well today don't you think?' that Badger has said after every Abbey United appearance. 
 
Pete Parnwell - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 18, Goals 0

The self-proclaimed 'captain' of the team, with Pete 'Badger' Parnwell leading Abbey United, they have already lost without kicking a ball. A centre back by trade, Badger is much happier when playing alongside a solid partner, although even when this is the case numerous bumrushings can often lead to mistakes. Badger is also Abbey Uniteds 10th choice goalkeeper, and has been known to take gloves on a number of occasions when the only remaining option would be Denton. Constantly seeking reassurances, Badger is a confidence player who can be relied upon to put in solid performances for the team. Since a spell on the sidelines last season whilst recovering from injury problems, and late night trips to Oxford hospital, Badger is hoping to recapture the form in the coming season that saw him become an important part of the defensive unit last season.
　 
Rich White - Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 6, Goals 0

Born in 1980, White was extremely disturbed to realise he was one of the oldest players on the pitch at the tender age of 29. A natural right back, his utter lack of attacking flair on the ball is countered by an uncanny ability to know exactly when one of his centrebacks is about to try and control/dribble the ball, meaning he can make vital ground tracking back to cover the inevitable disaster. Rich adds a touch of military discipline to the back four and tends to be good in the air for a short lad. He also has a knack for throw ons; he is extremely sensitive when clearly weaker individuals offer to take them on his behalf and "sling one into the box". He is yet to see anyone manage to surpass his efforts. Introduced to Abbey United to make up numbers for a single match 2 years ago, Rich is now a regular starter, and has even begun to come to terms with the fact that he will never understand the funny boots/socks/vests his teammates and opponents insist on wearing. He can often be heard muttering about 'the youth of today' and looking confused whenever Denton is put in defence.　
  
Richard French - Manager/Defender - 2009/10 Appearances 12, Goals 0

The gaffer, the player, the legend that is Richard French. Where would the team be without this man? He spends half his time now running the line, simply because no-one else is inteligent enough to do it effectively. He rarely ventures onto the field of play any more, but when he does French manages to make the easiest of skills look challenging. In the 2 seasons since the new-era of Abbey United was formed, nobody can question the commitment of this man, but in the last 2 seasons, 2 defining moments come to mind:
That own goal at AFC Wimbledon
That: shank into Bentleys balls
After numerous empty threats to hand over management of the team to someone else, French is ready to embark on another season leading the Abbey United troops. With the 2009/10 season being the greatest in the clubs history greater success will surely follow.
  
Tom Muncey - Midfielder - 2009/10 Appearances 16, Goals 6

Heard any moaning on a football pitch? It’s probably Muncey. But in spite of that, an almost ever-present in centre midfield last season, although many appearances have come from the bench due to the late arrival at the game. But the introduction of Muncey to the team and the improvement of performances and results of Abbey United were not just by coincidence. He brings a lot to the team and is able to provide vital assists to the team, most noticeably with the outside of the left boot against Stevenage. Muncey is the team’s penalty taker and is yet to miss, although that is probably now jinxed!